Skipping ahead now…
All my life I searched for more of a connection to the Divine. In church, in books, from others who knew more than I knew. I met several with a higher consciousness than mine and I learned as much as I could from each.
I traveled to Europe looking for answers going to holy places, feeling the energy, searching for a special connection to Divine.
I was never afraid of being alone, but I was afraid of not being loved. I wanted to know that peace of mind and calmness, the spaces in between where God lives. There is a connection, a feeling — where you have everything you need and you know it. Contentment works but it is stronger than that.
I was on the right path. My life seemed to be going very well. I was doing therapy with colors made of essential oils, crystal energies, and the intention to help in any situation. I did readings for people and my intuition was spot on! I was good at this and loved doing it. I was helping others work through problems, heal, and grow.
I also did Reiki (life force), learned another method of bodywork and loved doing that too.
And, art. . . art was like breathing to me. I still have the last drawing I did. I cried the whole time because I was in so much pain from the back and forth movements.
These things kept me connected. I had another fear… fear of the future. I didn’t trust in my connection enough to let go of my job in the corporate world. A very toxic environment for me. I was afraid I wouldn’t make enough money to pay all the bills if I let go of that toxic, good-paying job.
Because of this fear, at work, my body twisted into a ‘fight or flight’ position. The muscles in my neck began to spasm and eventually ended in a frozen shoulder making it all but impossible to drive or sit at a computer for work.
I lost that wonderful connection because I didn’t trust. I let my ego and fear rule my life.
Not to worry, this story has a happy ending. I did find my miracle!
Tomorrow we will talk about the hard stuff though — pain, opioids, other ways of dealing with pain and depression.
Just know, life is good. Even the hard places contain gifts!
Also published on Medium.
